I would like to think of the basketball court as being a “classroom” for high school players. There is so much besides just the skills of basketball that can be learned. The exciting thing for parents is that unlike the “academic classroom” where parents do get to observe their son/daughter, in basketball parents get to regularly be spectators in this unique classroom.
With 50 years of coaching, I have had the opportunity to watch parents who have taken advantage of watching their son/daughter in basketball, and watch them have a positive impact on their son/daughter’s experience. And in other cases, I have observed parents who have had a negative impact on their son/daughter’s experience. Here are some tips for parents based on my 50 years of observations-
1- Praise your son/daughter for participating in sports. You want them to stay involved, the experience will help them in so many ways.
2- As you watch them play, focus on your son/daughter’s effort, work ethic, body language, and interaction with their teammates. These are the skills that will make them successful later in life. When you see positive examples of behaviors in these areas, make sure you praise them.
3- Don’t allow your disappointment in your son/daughter’s playing time affect your son/daughter’s pride or happiness. When you complain about their lack of playing time, your son/daughter hears you saying, “Your role is not important.” I was surprised when a player did not go out for basketball as a senior. I was puzzled and asked another player why they had not come out. The other player replied,”They told me that they could not handle seeing how unhappy it made their dad when they didn’t play.”
4- During games, be a fan. Cheer good plays by all the players. Especially cheer effort, and team work.
5- Don’t coach your son/daughter at games- during warmups, during the game, and after the game when they come out of the lockeroom. If your son/daughter is to become a good player, they can’t be hearing multiple voices. Let the coach be the voice that is giving instruction, You want your son/daughter to become a confident player. When you are always trying to coach them, you are unintentionally sending a message that your son/daughter needs you- they are not good enough to do it on their own. Players being coached by parents NEVER get into the flow of the game like great players.
6- Don’t yell at refs. When you yell at refs, you become a distraction to your son/daughter. If you make them start thinking about refs and focused on refs, they probably will lose focus on their coach’s game plan and their job as a player. Good player are players who accept responsibility for their good plays and their bad plays- bad players tend to want to blame others.
7- When a game is over, make an effort to go praise some of your son/daughter’s teammates. This will mean so much to other players, and it really helps build a sense of team.
8- The best message a parent can give their son/daughter after a game is to start out with the following…. “I really like to watch you play because______” The blank can be filled in with things like-
- I know how hard you work
- how much you and your teammates seem to care about each other
- how hard you compete no matter what the score is
- no matter what happens, you know how to go onto the next play
9- Never criticize your son/daughter’s teammates or coaches in front of your son/daughter. You want the sport to be a positive experience, and when you criticize you are sending a message that you don’t think it is a good experience.
10- After a tough loss, be willing to give your son/daughter space. They don’t need you to be a coach giving tips or analyzing strategy. They need you to be mom/dad. A hug and expression of your affection is more valuable than coaching tips.
11- Use social media to promote your son/daughter’s upcoming games- maybe more people will come to watch. Use social media to express pride in your son/daughter’s team and your son/daughter.
12- NEVER use social media to express your unhappiness with your son/daughter’s role, coaches, or teammates. If you are unhappy, just call a friend and vent privately. If you go on social media, you only create problems for your son/daughter.
13- NEVER talk to a coach about your son/daughter’s playing time or their role as starter or non-starter. It is not fair for one parent to appeal for their son/daughter’s playing time or starting, and not have every parent have the same opportunity.
14- When you son/daughter has conflicts, problems, or frustrations- encourage them to talk with their coach.
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