Parents Share Playbook for Making Sports a Positive Experience- Part 2

The Woods- Mike, Sara, Ryan

I asked some parents to share their experiences helping their sons/daughters have a positive experience in athletics. They share how athletics can be made to be a valuable experience. 

The parents are: Jim and Angie Noonan, Dave and Sandy Wood, Bill and Joyce Allison, Shawn and Melissa Hickey, and Brian and Steph Woodard. All of them are able to provide not only their insights as parents but also their insights as coaches, athletes, and sons/daughters of coaches. 

Woodards, Fritz, & brothers supporting Izzy Kennedy

“I am concerned with effort, body language, and being a good teammate.”

Massey- It is tough to watch your son/daughters out on a playing field and not want to yell advice to help them out. And if you have a background in sports, and a knowledge of sports, it is even more tempting to want to coach them from the stands. You knew sports. How did you handle coaching your kid vs parenting your kids?

Jim Noonan- The older AJ gets, the more I try to parent and the less I try to coach.   During games I try to keep my mouth shut as much as possible, and my goal is to approach post-game talks from the lens of a supporting parent as opposed to the constructive criticism I might offer as a coach.  Admittedly, this is an area I am still trying to work on.  

Angie Noonan- I am learning the sport of basketball through Ava, so I stay away from coaching her.  I do speak with her after the game and discuss the things that she did well and things that she can work on for the next game.  We focus mainly on attitude and effort.

Allisons- Our kids were taught that their coaches were to be obeyed and respected. If we did any “after game coaching”  it was understood that their coaches’ desires were more important than our suggestions. Bill was Reed’s football coach. He was treated no differently than any other player.

Brian Woodard- This is probably the most difficult line to draw.  Having a coaching background, I can see things that some don’t see. Many parents are concerned with points, but I am concerned with effort, body language and being a good teammate.  It’s extremely hard to draw the line between parent and coach.  We try to not talk x’s and o’s, when we are not at practice and can’t see what our child or other children are doing.  If our kids had a question about what a coach is doing, we tell them to learn to advocate for themselves.  It is so important to learn how to communicate with coaches.  “What do I need to work on?”  “Am I running this play right?”  We have had to have difficult conversations about playing a sport versus their mental health as well.  Kids must learn how to make difficult decisions that we can’t make for them.  Being a parent first and foremost is always our top priority.

Steph Woodard- Brian is absolutely the coach in our family so I lean on him a lot when we are trying to find balance.

Sandy Wood- Woody took on the role of coaching support with his real-life experiences as an athlete while my primary role was emotional and parental support. Both of us agreed that having balance in life is important and we wanted to support their other talents. Mike was quite an artist and loved golf.Sara was dedicated to health, physical fitness and wellness, and Ryan derived joy from helping others. We also encouraged our kids to do what you are passionate about. For Sara that was motherhood, military service, and nursing. Ryan became a Certified Nursing Assistant fulfilling his desire to help others in need and Mike, after several years as a firefighter, now works for a golf company. Finding a meaningful life after sports was an important part of our parenting. 

Teammates- Brittany Stephan, Whitney Shephard
Jenna Bicego, Andie Allison

“These are all life lessons.”

Massey- There can be painful experiences in sports- losing games, missing shots, not playing the role that you would like. As painful as it was- was losing or other individual adversity ever something that turned out to be positive in the long run for your kids? 

Jim Noonan- To this point, there hasn’t been a ton of adversity besides not getting the jersey number she wanted or losing some games.  I anticipate that there will be tougher situations she has to get through in the future.

Allisons- Losing certainly teaches the concepts that life isn’t always fair, and that things don’t always happen the way you’ve prepared for. Adversity makes you work harder. All in all though, we’d rather win!

Brian Woodard- In general I would say that adversity and losing is a learning process.  We learn more from adversity and losing. It teaches humility and difficult situations that allow them to grow as people.   The easy road is not always the most productive one.

Steph Woodard- I think that we have seen far more growth from all of our kids through dealing adversity than we have ever seen in an “easy” season.  I think all of our kids have had the opportunity to play up in a sport.  This is such an incredible opportunity, but can come with many challenges.  Are they playing on multiple teams?  Do they feel that they are a contributing teammate on each team?  Are they worried about playing time? If they are playing on different levels, do different coaches have different expectations?  As an adult, we know that life is full of adversity.  In the moment of a difficult season or situation, it is not always fun to have challenging conversations.  However, as parents, we know that talking with our kids about their frustrations is essential to their continued success in the sport and their future.  It all goes right back to advocating for themselves, communicating with their coaches/teammates, and being willing to constantly work toward improvement. These are all life lessons.

Sandy Wood- Definitely! Learning to manage adversity and failure was a huge value learned through sports. Many books have been written about Failure and its impact on Leadership. “One can only succeed by knowing failure” and learning from our mistakes and losses is part of the journey of life.

Shawn Hickey- We always talk about what can be learned from adversity or losses.  The best lessons come from the hard times whether it is from losing or injury.  When things don’t go as planned, you learn what needs to improve and how to respond with character.  Turning a loss into a learning opportunity helps you come back stronger and more prepared for the next challenge.

Coach Shawn Hickey, Coach Riley Hickey

“Watching your child do something they love is a gift they choose to share with you.”

Massey- As you look at your experiences as a parent working to make it a positive and learning experience for you sons/daughters, what advice would you give to help other partents?

Jim Noonan- I just try to remind myself that this is a very small window of time for AJ to participate in sports and for Angie and I to watch her play.  The last thing I want is to look back someday and realize that I had a negative impact on her athletic experience.  My goal is to support her, stay out of the way as much as possible, and enjoy watching her and her friends grow as a team. 

Angie Noonan- Enjoy every second!  Watching your child do something they love is a gift that they choose to share with you.  Be present and supportive.

Noonan for TWO!!

Allisons- Be supportive of your player, demonstrate respect for coaches, opponents and officials. Enjoy the traditions of the team and your athlete’s participation. It goes by too quickly....

Brian Woodard- It’s not always the coach’s fault. Your child is the only one that can control their effort, understanding and attitude.  The rest is out of their hands.  Life is bigger than the sport but the values that they learn in the sport get them ready for the rest of their life.

 

Steph Woodard- Brian and I balance each other out, because he is a full-time coach.  He is always in that mindset.  He helps me put things into perspective.  I agree with his advice.  I also would say to balance conversations about sports with other topics.  When we have games 3-4 times a week during some seasons, it is hard to talk about anything else.  However, that balance may be just what everyone needs.

Woody and grandchild talking in some basketball.

Sandy Wood- First, enjoy each stage of the sports journey. We loved those early years when they were first learning the different sports and we watched them evolve, seeing their strengths and weaknesses. They eventually decided on the path they wanted to take and we always supported their decisions. The years our children were in sports were some of the best times of our lives, bringing pride and joy to us as parents and to our entire family.

Second, always be a good fan and support your athlete and the team. We valued the knowledge and wisdom of the coaches and we did not question their decisions, such as playing time. If one of our children questioned a coach’s decision, we said it was their job to discuss it with the coach and then accept the result of the discussion. 

Third, talk with your athlete about the values of being in a sport and how those lessons learned can impact his/her life into the future. Our kids chose a sport they were passionate about so we encouraged them to use passion as a guide to their careers.

Shawn Hickey- Support your athlete by celebrating their effort, discipline, and improvement more than the outcome of any game. Encourage open communication with coaches and teammates to help them develop accountability and teamwork. Remember that sports are a tool for building character, not just competition. Above all, let your child know your pride in them is unconditional, regardless of performance.  Also, play multiple sports and get involved in the school and community.

If you missed part 1…

It addressed…

1- Why they encouraged their sons/daughters to play sports.

2- What their goals/expectations were for their sons/daughters in sports.

3- How did they handle desire to win vs developing life skills.

Click here to go to Part 1

Parents Share Playbook- Part 1