Parents Share Playbook for Making Sports a Positive Experience

Dave and Sandy Wood

Participation in high school athletics can provide an opportunity for young people to develop important life skills- leadership, handling adversity, team work, and work ethic. Strong, positive parenting can help athletes have a positive experience. 

I asked some parents to share their experiences helping their sons/daughters to grow in athletics. They share how athletics can be made to be a valuable experience. 

The parents are: Jim and Angie Noonan, Dave and Sandy Wood, Bill and Joyce Allison, Shawn and Melissa Hickey, and Brian and Steph Woodard. All of them are able to provide not only their insights as parents but also their insights as coaches, athletes, and sons/daughters of coaches. 

Brian & Stephanie Woodard with their son. 

“Our role was to support their

choices.”

Massey- Why did you first encourage your children to get involved in sports?

Jim Noonan- When we signed AJ up for her first YMCA soccer team I believe she was in 1st grade.  I think our main motivation was that we just wanted her to be involved in something that would allow her to run around and have fun and meet new kids.  It was the perfect opportunity for our family to get our first experience with youth sports and everything that comes along with it.  

Angie Noonan- I wanted Ava to learn how to work with others and challenge herself doing something physical.  I also wanted her to meet new people and have fun.

Allisons- By the time our kids were Y league age, they already knew that sports were important to our family, so little encouragement was needed. We valued their experiences of learning to be part of a team and to work for something bigger than themselves.

The Allisons- Libby, Joyce, Bill, Reed, Andie

Brian Woodard- Initially our goals for the kids were to just be active and be involved.  Yes, we would love for them all to continue to be student-athletes, but it's not always in the cards. Introducing them to as much as possible and letting them decide what they want to continue with while supporting them the best we can is what is important.  There are certainly social aspects to sports, so getting them to grow as they are introduced to different kids and different coaches is a big benefit to it as well.

Steph Woodard- When the kids were young, I wanted them to get involved with youth sports as a way to be social and also stay active.  We still see Izzy’s first YMCA basketball coach at her high school games. He teases her about her first “granny shot” when she was 4 years old.  Jaxon is still doing YMCA basketball and had an amazing coach that he continues to see through his JFL involvement.  It is so important for our kids to be exposed to different opportunities and coaches while they are young. I can see first-hand how this has increased their support network and confidence.

Sandy Wood- Both Woody and I come from sports-minded families. Sports can bring great joy to a family but more importantly, it teaches and reinforces life values such as leadership, teamwork, discipline, the importance of working hard for common goals and learning to deal with losing and adversity. Developing and nurturing friendships with teammates was another value we wanted to continue to foster in our children. Woody developed life-long friendships from his basketball years at Knox College.

When we had our own children, they grew up from Day One with sports just being a natural way of life in the Wood family. So, we really did not have to encourage Sara, Ryan or Mike to get involved as they were already highly motivated. Our role was to support their choices.

Shawn Hickey- Our kids have always been active and have wanted to participate in all sports.  My wife and I were coaching high school sports at the time (baseball, football, swimming/diving) and they were often around a team.  They saw the teams we were involved with and started to understand the competitive spirit at an early age.  We used the local youth programs to get them involved.

Angie & Jim Noonan with their daughter. 

“That routine and commitment is an essential skill that you don’t learn in the classroom.”

Massey- As they got into JH and then into HS, what were your goals or even your expectations for your kids in athletics? What did you hope your kids would get from playing sports?

Jim Noonan- AJ is currently in 6th grade, so we are just approaching the Junior High years.  Looking at it from this side of things, my hope is that by participating in athletics she will learn how to be a good teammate who works well with others, be better equipped to handle both success and failure, develop resilience when faced with challenges, and gain confidence by achieving personal and team goals.

Angie Noonan- My goals for Ava are the same as they were when she was little.  I want her to be a good teammate, challenge herself by making goals to become better at basketball, and to be able to handle success and failure.

Allisons- We wanted each of them to be a good teammate, accept their role, and to practice as hard as they would work in the actual contest. 

Brian Woodard- As they got into junior high and high school, we had hoped that their commitment to their sports would grow and they would spend time outside the gym to develop skills and passion for what they want to accomplish in the sport. We wanted them to understand that you will get out of the sport what you put into it, and that 100% effort is what is expected. We want them to continue to grow as individuals, not just as athletes, but as people as well.  Sports can put them in difficult, uncomfortable situations and learning how to become comfortable in those situations will help them later in life.  Learning from adversity, wins, loses, juggling sports and education, difficult teammates and meeting coaches’ expectations are all part of the process.  Learning to navigate all the experiences can be difficult but will certainly help them grow as people.

Steph Woodard- I have learned a lot from Brian about how to balance my expectations as our children grow in athletics. Just last year we had three kids in high school and all of them were juggling academics, multiple sports, and other commitments. Just like Brian, I want to see 100% effort. I expect for them to be a good teammate and to be coachable. Student athletes have to be able to manage their time well, and I have really seen that as the kids have gotten older. Izzy is my three-sport athlete so now that she is in high school, there is a significant increase in her time and dedication. She is always waking up early for weights or practice and staying up later to complete homework. That routine and commitment is an essential skill that you don’t learn in the classroom. Of course, as kids get older, skill development in the actual sport becomes more challenging.  We have always encouraged the kids to work through the difficulties and overcome obstacles. As long as our kids want to work harder, then we have supported and encouraged extra time on the court and on the track. That being said, I don’t want every conversation to be about sports (which could be very easy to do in our house)! I have tried to be better about that for all of us. 

Sandy Wood- My expectation was not really winning every game but we all know that winning is much more fun. Woody, the true athlete, would say that winning every game is the goal! My goals were more value-oriented: learning to accept losses with grace and congratulating the winning team, being a good and supportive team member, learning to accept your role on the team, learning about leadership, responsibilityand commitment and working hard to be the best you can be. We can honestly say that the values learned from their years in sports followed them into adulthood and helped them achieve success in their lives.

Shawn Hickey- Once the children got into junior high and high school, we gave them the ability to decide the sports they wanted to continue.  We didn’t necessarily have expectations for what they played but we wanted them to work hard, give their best effort, be coachable, be good teammates and maintain good grades.  

The Hickeys- Riley, Shawn, Melissa, Grady, Drew

“…many of the valuable lessons that they will learn over the next few years will come from handling the adversity that is an inevitable part ofbeing on a team.”

Massey- You are athletic people, you have knowledge about sports, and you are competitive people. How did you navigate between wanting to win/wanting your kids to have success VS. recognizing there were bigger life values you knew they could learn in sports?

Allisons- By consistently encouraging them to be the best they could be, by not openly criticizing coaches, officials, or teammates, and by espousing the concept team over all. 

Brian Woodard- Life values are the most important part of sports.  Wins and losses are a part of being a student-athlete, growth can happen in both situations.  All of our kids have had the fortune to be on a great team with a lot of success and the misfortune of a team that is struggling.  I think that the losing teams helped build more character than the winning teams.  Learning how to lose gracefully but not accepting it, is a challenge.  There is purpose and a lesson to be learned through every experience.  I can be very excitable at times and am beyond competitive but the reality is that losses are a part of the game.  Rarely in life do people go their entire career undefeated, so we have to help them navigate their emotions and how to grow from the process.

Steph Woodard- Brian’s response is so level-headed, but gosh it is hard to sit through hard games! When our kid plays hard and there is a loss, that’s a different feeling.  If I see the team working against one another, bad body language, or a lack of support for teammates then we are going to have a conversation at home.  We always ask our children what they can control and we focus on that.  If you are sitting on the bench, then you better be cheering on your teammates regardless of your personal feelings at the time.  If you are playing, then give it your all and encourage others around you to do the same.  Of course, it is amazing to be recognized for your athletic abilities and success, but we are always focused on our kids’ character and how they represent themselves and their team.

Sandy Wood- Seeing the bigger picture of sports and its impact on your life now and into the future was a topic of discussion with our children. I do recall some big losses that we needed to help our children navigate through. The agony of defeat was depicted quite vividly on the front page of the Register Mail with Sara and Molly Watson tearfully walking off the court after a devastating loss to Normal Community in the 1995 Super Sectional. Under the guidance of Coach Massey and wise beyond their years Co-Captains, the Streaks turned that defeat into strong determination to turn the tables in 1996. And that they did, beating Normal Community at the state tournament and ending the year with a third-place win! That only happened through extremely hard work throughout the next year, just like anything in life. Set your goal, establish your strategy, gain the team’s buy in and success will likely happen.

Our youngest son, Mike, also dealt with an incredibly challenging year in basketball when his team lost every game. We can recall supporting him to never give up, work at getting better personally, supporting his team members and staying committed to completing the season. He maintained a positive spirit which has endured throughout his life. (To be quite honest, it was difficult to sit through those losses, so it was a perseverance lesson to be learned for us, too!)

Our son, Ryan, had perhaps the highest level of adversity to face when he was a junior on the 1998 basketball team. One of his teammates was Jason Wessels, a real sparkplug on the team, full of enthusiasm and positivity. During the Christmas break, he became critically ill with meningitis. It put the game of basketball into perspective when the life of Jason was everyone’s primary concern. Ryan recalled how the team grew closer and more determined to make it to the State Tournament to honor their friend. Jason’s fighting spirit was instrumental in lifting the team and supporting the Streaks to bring home the second-place trophy! Jason’s amazing recovery was the real win that year.

Jim Noonan- Like any parent, I want to see AJ and her teammates have as much success as possible.  That being said, many of the valuable lessons that they will learn over the next few years will come from handling the adversity that is an inevitable part of being on a team.  Things like playing time, accepting one’s role on a team, celebrating teammates’ accomplishments and handling both success and failure are all life skills that I hope she will gain through participation in sports.

Shawn Hickey- As former athletes, we knew what it was like to be on a team and understood the benefits of playing sports.  The lifelong friendships made with teammates and coaches stretch far beyond the competitions.  We want them to enjoy what they are doing and never give up.  The lessons learned through sports carry over in their everyday lives.  They will eventually have a job with a boss and other employees, what they gained from playing sports will transfer later in life. 

Parents Share Playbook for Making Sports a Positive Experience- Part 2

In part 2, they address three topics:

1- Handling “coaching sons/daughters vs just being a parent.”

2- Helping sons/daughters handle adversity in sports.

3- Advice they would give to other parents.

Just click here to go to part 2….

Parents Share Playbook- Part 2