Lean On Me

(Register-Mail photo)

A sports expression is that "losing builds character." Others claim that "losing doesn't build character, it reveals character." Hopefully both statements are true about losing- "losing builds character and losing reveals character." But even that statement doesn't go far enough. Sports are in schools for claimed learning experiences that one gets from sports. Therefore, it would be more accurate to say, "Sports build character and reveal character."

But to grow and learn from sports experiences, athletes must be willing to grow and learn. They must want to learn. A player must be invested in the process.

None of us want to lose, but 50% of the teams in each game lose. Most likely, we will experience losses at some point. A key to success in sports is an athlete and a team's ability to take a loss and use the loss to grow.

To grow from a loss, three things must take place-



1- Athletes Must Share The Loss- The loss must provide a common thread for the players. The hurt must be shared. Everyone is going to react to losing in different ways. But it is a problem for a team if some players are crying after a loss, and other players are joking around. Players reaction to a loss is one way players communicate to their teammates how important the team is to them. It does not mean that if a player is not crying that the lose and the team don't mean anything to them. But for the team to grow, the players must have a sense they share the hurt. When they lose, the players with their reaction need to be expressing- This team and each of you are important to me.

Sometimes we, as parents don't like to see our kids hurting. We are apt to use phrases like, "The sun will come up," "it's not the end of the world." While all of those things are true, we need to remember the team is hopefully important to our child. While we don't want them to be hurting, we would be disappointed if they were so uncommitted to the team and the process that they were laughing as the horn went off.

2- Athletes Must Accept Responsibility For the Loss- Not only must the athletes, but also the coaches must accept responsibility for the loss. Coaches can deflect responsibility by saying, "They didn't play hard." Players can deflect responsibility by blaming refs, teammates or coaches. If we want to change, we have to accept what role we had in the defeat. If it is the refs fault we lost, then there is nothing we can do in the future other than hope we have different refs.

As parents, we may want to reduce our child's pain. So we may tell them that a teammate is a ball hog. Or we may tell them the coach should be getting them more shots. All of these things are designed to help our child not take any responsibility for the outcome. The message our child needs is that they are important to the team and therefore they have responsibility for the loss.

3- Athletes Must Support Each Other in a Loss- It is easy to be a good teammate after wins. It is easy to be a good teammate when sitting in a classroom talking about team goals before the season starts. It is tougher in defeat to be a good teammate. When we are under stress, we all tend to become selfish. It is natural, it is a survival mechanism to become selfish when confronted with stress. In defeat it is easy to become buried in self-pity. This is when a player can express and show teammates that they are important to them.


The picture is of Sara Wood and Molly Watson coming off the floor after a defeat. I believe it was our season ending loss in the Supersectional game vs. Normal in 1995. While it is a very sad picture, it is a positive picture. It is a positive picture because clearly these two players shared the pain of the loss- it was important to them. And in this tough time, they were there for each other.

I would argue a team that reacts to defeat as Sara and Molly were reacting, will be a team that has a strong bond. While the defeat will hurt, it will be something they as players and as a team will grow from. It is no coincidence that the following year Sara and Molly's team went onto take 3rd in State. As players, they knew they had each others backs.